After 16 years, I can say without a doubt that injecting anything other than saline is a terrible idea.

[msmSaline]

I want to make this extremely clear again.

I do not have magic powers to make you do anything or stop anything.

I do not believe everyone here has the same problems that I do, in fact I'm sure no one has exactly my problems.

It is a fact that people die frequently from practicing silicone injection and it has been fact since the early '80s.

It is a fact that any fetish or any ritual or any coping mechanism can be made with something that started completely vanilla and innocent. it also is the fact that this does not happen every time.

All the fetishes listed in this website are totally fine and valid, and if you want to practice them you should practice it to your heart's content. I came back here after 16 years of meeting people both online and in person, on both sides the United States, in Germany.... I came back here after 16 years of helping people learn how to do this practice, writing guides...

...only because I care about people. Just as I prioritize allowing people to be their unique self through and through whether that is sexual or otherwise, I prioritize informing people of the risks that they are facing.

I wasn't really expecting seemingly transphobic remarks here after making so many friends over two decades, but you know thanks for coming to my defense those that did.

I did not come here to set up a soap box and preach. If I had not indulged myself with these practices, as fringe as I became, and as deep as I went into the darkness, I would not have SOLVED my identity crisis.

My identity crisis is over and life is f****** awesome now. truly, if any of you are ever in the area around Portland Oregon, you should totally hit me up and I will buy you a beer or a cocktail.

I have met many of you over the years and it was always a pleasant experience. Sometimes awkward but always fun lol.

So if you are around just hit me up below. You can PM me if you want but it's honestly easier just to message me on Instagram or something

www.nstagram.com/shae.meful

[maXXXbulge]

Well said. Was always a fan. Glad you've made your way in life.

I will reiterate silicone is super dangerous. You are never out of the woods after injection. You keep reading about people dying or catching infections after the fact. The percentage is extremely high. I'm lucky that I have a sack left. Going to be infusing saline tonight. I miss it. It's way better than silicone. Feels much better too

[just4me]

Wow. You have have lived several lives worth of trauma. You are very articulate in your writing.
We share some of the same issues that you have listed and you are right. This is a relatively safe coping mechanism.
Safer than drugs or alcohol and the people on this site are supportive and accepting. (except the silicone thing.)
I was planning on trying silicone and after reading your post I'll pass.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with this.

[shadetreant]

Did you have to get the silicone removed for medical reasons? Or was it because you just wanted it gone because it was cumbersome (you mentioned not fitting in clothes very well).

[lonepmpr]

Apparently you're not one to give advisory, especially medical, as you are struggling with your own identity

You sound bothered by my post. It's all personal so no offense.

For the last 16 years of doing this I have not once claimed anything. in fact everywhere I have ever posted with instructions on how to do this sort of stuff I have first and foremost said I am not a doctor and that you were taking a risk and I am just some random person on the Internet.

If you're finding yourself triggered by what I wrote there then consider why, and how you feel about what you were doing. If you enjoy what you're doing then do it. If you do not care about risks then do it if you want, no one is going to stop you. I am merely telling people my experience. I don't think everyone here is coping and I don't think everyone here is addicted to anything either. But it seemed to really hit you for whatever reason....

My identity struggle is over now that I am transitioning.

The reason why inflation and saline and silicone were so important to me is because it was a way to not feel male.
I can look down and say that doesn't look like a cock, that doesn't look like balls, it just looks like some sort of animal and that made me feel less dysphoric about being male. At the beginning of all of this before I was writing guides and on here 24/7 I was inflating my tits as well for the same exact reason except more obvious.

sorry I seem to have angered you but you do not need to point any of it back at me because I am just a lone individual, with an anecdotal experience, and I am merely sharing my story. clearly I cannot reach through everyone's screen and make them stop doing anything....

I am happy that you are getting your life to where you feel you need to be, however over your 15 years you're encouraged others to follow your path and follow your inflation progress. Now kind of full circle for you. Again, happy you found yourself, and FYI, I have friends that are transgender, cross dressers, and ftm.

[pipefitterdom]

Thanks for the enlightenment.

I have often thought about getting silicon some time in the distant future maybe when my active lifestyle becomes less active. However being a monster is unwieldy and tiresome after a week or so and I look forward to going what has become normal, and getting outside to do things. After a time, I begin craving that size and the process begins again. It’s like the seasons to me. At the end of a long hot summer, I’m ready for the cold and rain and after that I look forward to spring.

I also enjoy the inflation aspect almost as much as the results, so making it permanent would eliminate a lot of fun, and becoming ill from it would eliminate it entirely.
Suffice it to say I have put that idea out of my head thanks to your advice.

I did look through your posting history here and realized that I was already a big fan of your achievements. I hope you can still enjoy this fetish in a way that you find healthy and appreciate the fact that you have shared your experience that the rest of us might benefit from it!

[msmSaline]

K guys.

Last pic you will ever see of me and I will probably not be back. I put a link to it at the bottom because it is extremely graphic.

I was very happy about my orchiectomy and scrotectomy.

Then I ran into a complication and got an infection.

For the record, I am going to survive this but I might be in the hospital for the next 2 months with the wound left open to heal from the inside out. My entire life has been put on pause, and healing from this took so much out of me that I nearly damaged my back beyond repair. I cannot walk or sit or even lie down in any position without 20/10 pain.

I do not know how this will look at the end, they tell me it'll likely be okay but they can't know for certain since the silicone complicated a lot of the tissue down there.

Content warning, this is a very graphic image of my genitals split open and how I am left to heal for the next 8 weeks.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Transgender_Surgeries/comments/fn3f0c/i_posted_my_orchiectomyscrotectomy_bottom_surgery/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

[msmSaline]

Apparently you're not one to give advisory, especially medical, as you are struggling with your own identity

You sound bothered by my post. It's all personal so no offense.

For the last 16 years of doing this I have not once claimed anything. in fact everywhere I have ever posted with instructions on how to do this sort of stuff I have first and foremost said I am not a doctor and that you were taking a risk and I am just some random person on the Internet.

If you're finding yourself triggered by what I wrote there then consider why, and how you feel about what you were doing. If you enjoy what you're doing then do it. If you do not care about risks then do it if you want, no one is going to stop you. I am merely telling people my experience. I don't think everyone here is coping and I don't think everyone here is addicted to anything either. But it seemed to really hit you for whatever reason....

My identity struggle is over now that I am transitioning.

The reason why inflation and saline and silicone were so important to me is because it was a way to not feel male.
I can look down and say that doesn't look like a cock, that doesn't look like balls, it just looks like some sort of animal and that made me feel less dysphoric about being male. At the beginning of all of this before I was writing guides and on here 24/7 I was inflating my tits as well for the same exact reason except more obvious.

sorry I seem to have angered you but you do not need to point any of it back at me because I am just a lone individual, with an anecdotal experience, and I am merely sharing my story. clearly I cannot reach through everyone's screen and make them stop doing anything....

I am happy that you are getting your life to where you feel you need to be, however over your 15 years you're encouraged others to follow your path and follow your inflation progress. Now kind of full circle for you. Again, happy you found yourself, and FYI, I have friends that are transgender, cross dressers, and ftm.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgHP1VU84g3Nd9F11PW2JgEOpmZ7p7ubT


Trust me I understand, I really do. And honestly I regret telling people about this practice. I was a psychotic person for much of this experience. I was an addict for much of this experience. Both mentally ill people and addicts unconsciously try and bring others into their fixes. And like I stated previously, I don't think most people here are like me.

I had to make this video the other day to keep myself sane and I think it really helps explain how all of this developed over those 16 years. You need to understand that I was lying to everyone and myself. I knew I was doing harm. I knew the voices I were hearing telling me to do these things were psychotic, but I was chasing that euphoria while avoiding dealing with my problem of gender.

Again, everyone I have met here has been totally wonderful both online and in person. I'm sure you are a great person too and I am sorry that my post has bothered you so much, but I just felt the need to come clean and talk about all of this. I am by no means trying to dissuade anyone from living their life to the fullest and having fun. I am just sharing what I went through.

[Minotaur]

Intense and Interesting.
Thanks for being so open.

Permanent enhancement is something that I literally think about All. The. Time.
I'm sure a significant portion of us do.

It's tempting to ignore the horror stories and focus on our fantasies and silicone pin-up role models.
But it is important to get those reality checks every time to time...

[msmSaline]

Where are you that you didn’t know about trans stuff until recently and found words and identity for yourself?

I understand my partner (transguy) only knew of the crossdressers/dragqueens of New Orleans in the early 90s Mississippi before the internet became accessible, had to move to California before he found his people and became the man he is today, as a kid and teen he had no words for what he felt he was.

I’m so sorry for the pain and complications from silicone, and happy you can make the most of the results of the corrective surgery as you start/continue your transition!

Hey no worries and no sorrys need to be had by anyone!

First of all, update, I officially am castrated. Just me and my girl dick; couldn't be happier, my partner couldn't be happier for me, it's been awesome and I was shocked how much better my life got in various unexpected ways.

To answer your question, I honestly do not know how I was able to go so long without hearing the word transgender. The closest I got was to seeing a neon sign and the Czech republic that said "sex change." I remember it peaked my interest in my early childhood but I don't recall dwelling on that. Specifically I grew up in northern Orange County California, the birthplace and library for Richard Nixon. I could throw a rock and hit Rush Limbaugh's recording studio as a kid. I went to a private Christian, Quaker School, where religion was part of the curriculum as well as a weekly service. Anything queer, anything homosexual, God forbid trans, was never brought up or quickly shunned.

It wasn't until I moved to Portland in 2016, where I really started to think about it. But only because of happenstance, many of the shows I was watching with my husband at the time started including episodes with trans themes. God, even f****** king of the hill was doing it. It made me crazy and upset before I realized what was going on.

Cheers. Pix for the curious. It's weird after 16 years, to suddenly be the same size where it all began. Well I suppose moreso, gone.

[msmSaline]

And for the record, It's not like I've become a saint, I just don't have that male aggression pushing me to the boundaries. I still know how to party. Feel free to follow My Google photos album below, anytime I do anything deranged or sexually worth documenting, I upload it

Content warning- it's almost always with other trans girls, and some of these videos depict me with my friends Lucy or Molly:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/gj59bFHjkSZ7v7987

My growing kink is pain. And my new fiance's kink is sadism so it really has been nice.

Thank you to the three people who have sent me PM's, you are all darlings and really brighten my day!

[gabrielageo]

I see that there are some changes in the size of your tits, are you on HRT or are you still doing saline? Do you also consider saline unsafe?

[msmSaline]

I see that there are some changes in the size of your tits, are you on HRT or are you still doing saline? Do you also consider saline unsafe?

I've been on HRT for almost exactly 2 years, and funny enough I have a breast augmentation consult later in the month.

I think saline is totally safe in moderation, just be careful with glucose and don't use too high of a percentage or too much at once.

again I want to reiterate that I'm not kink shaming and that my situation is way different than most people in regards to the silicone.

Hope everyone is well!

[jack6two]

I have killed my eggs with alc-injections and was castrated in Hospital on 1. dez. 2020. All in all it was a wonderfull Transformation and im a happy and proud eunuch now with my empty little boys bag. and for a little bit sexdrive i lotion testo-gel each morning...

[poleyns1]

Shout out from a fellow Portlander. You have our love and support! also sent you an invite on fet. :p